Stop

Stop feeling that way. Stop thinking that. Stop breathing so hard. Stop looking in the mirror. STOP.

Why do people think that anxiety is so easy just to stop? It’s not something that is just turned on and off. There are triggers, yes. But why can’t people understand it like I do? Why is there a mute button on people when they learn that I have anxiety and I battle depression? It’s like it’s a disease.

I didn’t ask to be like this. It’s a blessing and a curse. I deal with this so I can help people who also face this. My world has been spinning and there is nothing I can do about it. My heart has been crushed this week. It’s been a heavy weight. My hands went numb today, and I found my chest tighten while my lungs grasped for air.

It’s easy to put on makeup and pretend that everything is okay. It’s an accomplishment to even fix my hair in the mornings. I lose myself so much sometimes when all this happens. I’ve been told that I’m back to my normal self, but what is that exactly? I’m more “confident.” That’s what I have been told lately. I feel stuck.

And somehow, I’m supposed to make all this stop.

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