I went to bed last night with the excitement in my heart that I have been free of cutting for one year.
I woke up this morning from falling in my sleep, and I wasn’t so excited anymore. Normally I wouldn’t put any thought into falling in my dreams except that this was a big day.
What was happening in my sleep that when I woke up I could’ve cared less? I didn’t have any dreams and I wasn’t alone.
The only thing I could think of was that because I have been free, and I decided I must celebrate this big day that I was fighting a battle. But with who? My heart was excited. My mind was fighting the other way. The thought “you can’t keep this up” played over and over in my mind. It was like trying to catch a break, to find my ground.
Here I am. 6:00. Still fighting the thought that I can’t keep this up. Heck yes I can!
One year hasn’t been easy. I’m sure the rest won’t be either. But I stand undefeated with a God who holds me through it all!