Just Can’t Shake It

It was 7 p.m. when I pulled into my drive after an amazing day at the beach.

I’m thinking that I’m going to go inside and take a nice hot shower and lay in my bed to get some rest.

Oh little did I know.

Half way down my drive I felt a heavy weight rest on my shoulders, and a spirit of fear crashed into me. I tried to brush it off so I could continue to get my things out of my car. I fight it and tell myself, “I was not given a spirit of fear, I was not given a spirit of fear.” As I repeat that over and over, I’m able to move freely and get my things. I even showered in the midst of this war (which is highly impressive)!

I finish up the shower and walk into my bedroom. Okay, cool. Just relax and take my mind off things. This is supposed  to be my vacation before my life becomes hectic with events. What is there to stress about? Nothing right now. It’s VACATION.

That spirit of fear hits me right in my chest. Pound after pound like thunder rolling. Beat after beat; my heart rate is rising. Every noise makes it worse. The thumps from the cats chasing each other, the air  conditioner, the weird noises that randomly occur but I haven’t ever noticed them become visible.

It’s a panic attack. Everything caving in all at once. The fear of being alone. I just can’t shake it. My world is spinning and crashing right in front of me.

It’s like hell.

I know the cycle. A panic attack comes, depression silently settles in and exhaustion takes over for the next couple of days. My body is weak. My muscles worn from the tension held trying to fight the attack, and my face dry from the tears because I know I’m not winning.

1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxieties on the Lord, for He cares for you.” I believe that with all my heart. He is my God, and He will never let me down. No person can cure this war. Not even medicine can cure anxiety.

The only one who can cure anxiety is the one who is holding my hand and helping me through it. This battle isn’t mine, and there is nothing to fear.


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