I don’t know what to call you, so I’ll refer to you as dear. Just for your information that is not a term of endearment.
Sleep didn’t come easy because of you. I thought I had let go; set you free. But as I go through pictures of my nieces, I can’t help but wonder how you just disappeared; how it was so easy to walk away and not look back.
I wonder if I would have been through the same situations if you had been in my life. You weren’t there for preschool. My Maw-maw was there to fill the shoes you willingly left open. Eight years later she passed away, and I was left to wonder why these people just keep leaving. You left before you even met me. You didn’t fight for me, and if you did you didn’t try hard enough. Twenty years ago I didn’t know the difference. I had my mom and that was it. We were a team.
She showed me pictures of you and my sister. That’s when I realized my worth. I felt like garbage full of leftovers that no one wanted. Am I just your left overs? You kept her and loved her. You tossed me so quickly like you were disgusted.
It is so hard to accept love because I fear getting hurt. Getting close to people is something I rarely do, but when I do I hold on tight. I fear these people leaving me. That’s because of you. One day I’m going to meet you, and I think that day is soon.
You created a life, and you left like it frightened you. You should be frightened. I have an attitude like my mom and a sarcastic wit that you won’t believe. Before you know it, you’ll be telling me I’m just like her. Good. You are nothing to me, yet everything.
You missed everything. Chorus concerts, parades, football games, volleyball, basketball, soccer, track, homecoming, prom, graduation, dating and getting married. You missed everything.
Not just the big things, but the small things too. My favorite color, comfort food, drink, how I like my coffee, my friends, my job, my goals, my favorite song, that I love blankets, hugs, my passions, me. You missed me.
You weren’t there for me ever. I didn’t realize how angry I was until I laid down to go to sleep.
In the book of Matthew Jesus is speaking, and he says to confront one if there is an issue. I’ve had an issue with you for over 20 years. I think it’s time you hear what I have to say.
I am truly disgusted as to how a man can create a life and leave. How is it possible to raise one daughter and not care about the other?
You caused so much damage. Not only for me, but for the other daughter you raised like you should have. I grew up with my sister; my best friend. She is by far the greatest blessing God has given me. You took that away from your daughter. You took away a friendship and a relationship that every sister needs.
I want to lead a life of peace. It seems like every time I try to do that, the enemy laughs and starts playing my head. My head is what’s messed up the most. The anxiety, depression, abandonment issues and everything else you lack knowledge of is a result of the action you chose.
I’m not garbage. I’m not a mistake that you can toss out because you already have what you want. I’m not a puppet. I’m not going to listen to your lies of ‘how much I mean to you.’ You had your chance 20 years ago. It’s time for me to move on, let go and heal.
Dear…, goodbye. Please shut the door on the way out. You seem to be good at that.
The one you left heartbroken.