Wrapped in Silence

There are times when everything is going to be almost perfect. You have the love of your life, two crazy pets, a full time job, college underway and amazing people to live life with. 

Then, there are times when that perfection turns into chaos. You have darkness, three blankets, two pillows and one mind. 

Who’s going to win this time? 

When I was going to counseling, my therapist said to me that I might be a “lifer,” as in someone who needs medicine the rest of their life to battle depression and anxiety. It’s September, and I am better than I was. I still fight late at night like this when the world has gone to sleep and it’s just me alone in this half empty house. The words exchanged, the actions taken and the initiative behind everything keep me on guard. My instinct is to trust no one. 

I’m tired; restless. My mind won’t shut off. Is there an emergency switch? The stress, the bills, the everything is getting to my head. 

Remember when I wrote in an earlier post about building walls? Guess what! I’ve done it again! Shutting people out, spending time alone, keeping to myself. Not just that, but blocking out the stress I’ve been unconsciously carrying with me! As exhaustion comes over me, I can’t find a way to have a restful sleep.

I lay here wrapped in silence, and I wait to fall asleep. 

Psalm 18. 

#itsnotoveryet

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