You’ve been with me for years now. Since high school to be exact. All the nights you left me crying and wondering when I was going to be better, I’ve learned to block you out.
Unfortunately, I still have ears. You whisper so many thoughts into my mind, and most of the time you win. I spent hours alone because I didn’t want to be around ‘happy’ people.
You made me jealous. I couldn’t experience life the way they could. Instead, fighting with you is how I spent a good portion of my life. I lost friends because of you. The amount of people I pushed away because of fear is your fault. I couldn’t handle being rejected.
You implanted a seed of guilt as if my life was my fault. My life is a miracle.
As I write this, I hope you realize how much I was comfortable with having you around. It’s time for me to say goodbye. Though you still affect me, I am kicking you out. You don’t define me. You have placed me in the corner with a finger pointing at me shamefully calling me weak.
We’ve spent so many years together. I’m beat and bruised. I’m trying to move on, and you keep reeling me in. You are addictive and comfortable. You have brought scars to my body and thoughts I wish I never had. My stomach aches at any time I am anxious, and the vomiting is too much to handle.
The late nights that I spent awake crying because the pain was so deep is because of you. The cutting and the hiding it is all on you. My body was a battlefield of relief, and my life full of lies to cover the pain you put me through.
I want to be done with you. I am tired of fighting.
This is goodbye.