Let Go 

No! You can’t! 


I’m learning to manage life alone.  I’m only 20 with a lot of life ahead of me. 

I’m starting to see things and those who are older than me see things. Sometimes they describe me as wise for being so young. Other times…not so much. When I do act my age, people are in shock because they would never expect me to do something wild. When I say wild, I mean staying out until 1 or 2 in the morning with friends (which rarely happens, I’m old at heart). I’ve had my party years. High school managed that pretty well being in Europe. I guess when a person experiences life like that at a young age, they grow up quickly. 

My mom has always said that “I was born as an adult.” I didn’t know how to be a kid because I never really thought to be one. I took care of my siblings and my inner momma bear took over – even at 8 years old. Now I’m here, “grown up.” 

I’m human. 

More human than I wish I was. I’m anxious and panicky. I hold onto to things I wish I wouldn’t. Most of all, I love bigger than I wish I could. Separation eats me. It’s like I’m losing someone who isn’t going to come back – I’m not, the anxiety makes my brain think crazy thoughts. Irrationality is what it’s called I believe. 

Meanwhile, I’m burning bridges. I’m seeing my mistakes light up like fire. Thinking to myself, “what in the world?” I’m a mess. A mess of believing lies that I know better than to. I need to be hugged. I need to be loved. 

So tired of pointing fingers, words being thrown, and guilt. So tired

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