I’m here alone in this house that seems so big, but it’s quite small.
It’s overwhelming to think that the opposite end has nothing in it but darkness. It’s surrounding me.
I’m slipping. It’s a balance that isn’t balancing. My stomach is weak when medicine is involved, but my mind is so much stronger when I am feeling so alone. I’m over exhausted from work, church, and being needed for different things. The more I give, I’m noticing I’m lacking taking care of myself. I can’t pour from an empty cup.
I know how to act. Years of hiding what I feel is the achievement of continuing to act like I’m actually okay.
Psalm 42:1. As the deer panteth for water, so my soul pants for you, God.
It all the chaos I’m finding myself lacking time with God. From either being too “occupied” or “too busy,” I’m losing focus. Really, he is all I need. I need his kind of rest and peace.
I can’t slip. I’ve fallen too many times.