Almost Noon

Before you read this, know that this is something that I have struggled with and still do. Just because I write about battling depression and everything else doesn’t mean that you will completely understand what I face. Until you have faced it yourself, how can you truly understand the weight of not being able to function? 
you begin to feel empty. 

you are so hollow a shattering of glass could break you down. 

you become fragile and weak. 

you are broken. 

you long for comfort but it only reaches you so far. 

you begin to lose hope and think it never existed. 

you search and search for healing, but you never seem to find rest. 

you are tired. 

you keep walking because you know nothing stays the same. 

you are on your knees, “Father please.”

you are fighting so hard to escape your own mind. 

you are screaming inside. 

you are speaking to a voice who knows no silence. 

you are surrounded; drowning. 

you try to catch your breath from all the noise pounding inside and with each gasp for air you lose strength. 

you are not done yet. 

you pick up the pen and write. 

you don’t quit. 

you are not a quitter. 

It’s almost noon and you’re still in bed. Get up, shower, go somewhere. It’s not because you’re tired. It’s because you’re fighting something you might not ever win. 

Who cares that it’s something I battle everyday? Does it matter that I’m laying here because I just can’t find the strength to get up and face the day? No one is searching or wondering, why do I care? 

Here’s to depression winning half of my day because I let it. Sometimes you really just can’t get up, and that is okay. Not everyday will I have the strength and you won’t either. There is nothing wrong with that. 

As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other – well that alone is a step further. 


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