Back to the Beginning

Fourteen seems easy. Freshman year of high school, a new a high school to be exact. Once upon a time I lived in a hometown where I knew everyone and everyone knew me. We were all close and knew everything about each other. Being a military child is more complicated than people often realize. Allow me to begin with middle school.

The first time I ever moved from my hometown I was 13. I thought it was the coolest thing ever! Moving to a new place where I can meet new people and find new things to get involved was something I was really excited about! And then, I started school. Did someone say bullying? That was something I had never encountered before. “Nah, just brush it off” I thought to myself. Nine months later, my dad receives orders to move to Florida. Sweet! We get to leave this town!!!

At the time, my dad was stationed in Korea, so I am sure you can imagine what it was like.

Months before it was time for us to move, I started to have nightmares that my biological dad was going to come kidnap me and take me from my mom. (He lived close to where we were moving to.) It frightened my so much all I could focus on was the fear. I quickly fell not realizing that it was depression and anxiety I was facing.

Freshman year begins. I talk to absolutely no one. I keep to myself and focus on everything I’m supposed to do. Writing is my passion and at the time it was my only way of letting everything out: frustration, anger, fear, sadness, and anxiety. I eventually fell so far I was thinking about taking my life. I remember the journal I wrote in. My mom found it one day while I was at school and read through it. At the time I did not realize that my mom was so scared that she appeared to be angry with me. A giant wall came up between us and it has been so challenging to talk to her about battling depression and anxiety since.

At fourteen that’s a lot to take in. I’m 20 now. Depression and anxiety is something that occurs daily for me, but that doesn’t stop me from knowing that people do care and they are there to listen. For years this is what I have faced and still continue to fight against it.

Jesus knows why, and I wish I could see what lies ahead for me. However, according to His Word, we have peace. We belong to Him and He is the one who will carry us through the way down lows and fly with us when we are up in the sky. There’s no limit to His love. Don’t ever give up.

I promise you that you are loved.


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